


All's Well That Ends Well (As Long As You're Here)

by CaraIsTrash



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Is Sunshine, Adrien Agreste Needs Help, Adrien Agreste Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Can you guys tell I have no idea what I'm doing?, Crying, Episode: s03 Desperada, F/M, Gen, He is also very very hurt, How Do I Tag, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I don't really write angst so tell me how i did, Lots of that, Mental Breakdown, My First Work in This Fandom, Panic Attack, Plagg is soft, Platonic Relationships, Protect Adrien Agreste, Swearing, This possibly warrants the tag, Trauma, i hurt adrien agreste because you cant tell me he went through all that unscathed, i think???, save him, shout me if you want anything else tagged!, supportive marinette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-21 18:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20698073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraIsTrash/pseuds/CaraIsTrash
Summary: Adrien Agreste wasn’t having a great day. It started fine, ended fine, but the middle… the middle went on and on.“Uh, kid?”Quite literally.He wanted to reply to Plagg, he really did. He wanted to tell his Kwami that he was okay, that the mini-god was right, that he should have listened to him instead of being selfish. For some reason, though, he didn’t.Couldn’t.So he stared at his hands.Adrien's time as Aspik has left an impression, and so has all twenty five thousand nine hundred and thirteen of the loops he endured. He spent months trying to save the love of his life from capture and every time he failed. Now, after finally finding a time-line he doesn't need to reset, Adrien has to try get back to normal. Or as normal as he can be with thousands of pasts looming over his shoulder.((Or: you can't tell me Adrien wasn't at least a little traumatised after all that))





	1. Time And Time Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first work in the miraculous fandom! After watching Desperada I could not shake the thought that Adrien had to have at least a few emotional hang-ups after being Aspik for so long. And since Zagtoon decided to ignore the fact that if any normal human being had to go months trying to save someone they loved from getting captured right in front of their eyes they would not be perfectly fine afterwards, I took matters into my own hands.
> 
> So ta-da!
> 
> Big thanks to Icabbypup and RookieReporterZ for beta-reading this story!

Looping was a weird sensation.

As soon as Adrien clicked the bracelet on his wrist, he felt something warm encapsulate him entirely. There was a blinding light that pressed against his closed eyelids and begged for entrance. It was fuzzy too, like he was being stuffed with cotton.

As lovely as it sounded in theory, on his ten thousand two hundred and twenty fifth loop, Adrien had really come to hate it.

Maybe hate wasn’t the right word though, he thought idly as his body was caught in the bright void. Hate was a word he would use to describe his dislike of cooked liver. Hate was a word he’d use to describe his feelings towards Netflix anime adaptations. 

So no, hate was probably the wrong word.

Hate was not a rush of cold water even when you felt as though your outsides were melting off. Hate was not the feeling of absolute terror and crushing anguish that he felt take over his insides, if only for a second, before he shoved it all back down so it couldn’t rise to the surface. Hate also wasn’t the deep, almost guttural, feeling of frustration and loathing that he let simmer under the surface. 

That last one was anger, and he could deal with it.

The rest he had to push down and down and down into the bottom most pit of his soul. He had to make sure it never came up, or at least never fully. If it did he’d never be able to run his fingers over the green snake again.

Then Ladybug was in front of him, mid-sentence without a care in the world.

It was a sharp pain, the realisation that once again, she was none the wiser. She had no idea how many times she’d crumbled to dust. Been reduced to nothing right in front of him. How many times he’d failed her.

And she kept trusting him, because she didn’t know.

She deserved to.

“I’m sorry,” Adrien muttered, voice thick with the emotions he swore to keep at bay. “I’m so sorry.”

Ladybug stopped talking and her smile dropped, “Adrien?”

“I can’t-“ he can’t speak, he can’t talk, he can’t tell her he failed her so many times and see the disappointment, “I keep…”

Ladybug’s eyes furrowed in concern, a look he knew well, yet not nearly well enough to avoid the pang in his chest.

“It didn’t go well,” he managed to say, almost robotically, as he had many times before. It was easier to keep the waver away from his voice when he said what he did every time.

Ladybug was too smart for that though, too smart for her own good. She should have just taken it at face value. Assumed he was disheartened because he messed up. 

“How many times did it not go well?” she asked softly.

That was it. She asked. She barely ever asked that question. They barely ever got time. She was always too busy singing his praises (what a terrible thing to hear when he knew that she was wrong, horribly wrong) to wonder how many times he’d heard it all before.

But now she asked.

He couldn’t find it within him not to tell.

“Ten thousand two hundred and twenty five,” the number sounded like more when he said it out loud.

He knew he’d be adding to it again.

Ladybug lifted a hand to her mouth in horror. Surely she now realised how wrong she was to trust him. So wrong to think he could save her. 

Yet he kept trying anyway, because he’d never give up on her.

“Oh Adrien…” her voice was soft, almost _too_ soft.

“It’s alright though,” he tried to assure her, finally daring to properly meet her gaze. “That’s what second chance is about, right? Doing it until you get it right.”

He _would_ get it right. 

One day.

“I know it’s pathetic-“ he said.

“It’s not pathetic,” she said firmly. “You’re not pathetic.”

Adrien blinked a few times. He’d failed so many times, was prepared to fail more, and she didn’t think that was pitiful? 

“I’m no hero either,” he said. Because although Chat Noir was, Aspik and Adrien Agreste certainly weren’t.

“I couldn’t imagine how hard that must be,” her voice was gentle again, as if comforting a kitten. “To keep going. That’s why I chose you for the miraculous Adrien, you’re persistent and brave and kind, and I know you won’t give up. That sounds like a hero to me.”

His Lady was too much, too kind, and too caring. 

She had too much faith in him.

“I-“ he hardly knew what to say. He needed to say something, because his time was running out, but he couldn’t or else he’d probably burst into tears.

Ladybug walked forward and wrapped her arms around him. 

And oh- _oh_\- it was so warm. 

It was so comforting. 

It was so _nice_. 

It was so everything he’d never felt from anyone else. He never got hugs from his father, never from Nathalie, Nino did bro-hugs which were entirely different, and… well, he didn’t have anyone else. As Chat Noir, as close to Ladybug as he was, he’d never been held like this either. It was new and it was different, and he _hated_ it.

But he loved it too.

Because in Ladybug’s arms, as he buried his head into her shoulder and let himself release a few suit-staining tears, he felt safe. If only for a moment he didn’t need to worry about his next loop, his next try, his next failure. All he thought about was that moment. A moment in her arms.

And then he heard his miraculous start to beep, warning him that he had little time left to reset the timeline.

He didn’t want to, but he knew he would.

He slowly untangled himself from Ladybug and wiped away his tears to let a smile tug at his cheeks. 

“Thank you,” he said.

Ladybug smiled at him too, “Any time, hero.”

And that kept him going. That smile, that moment, that loop. The one he always remembered even when he’d rather forget. The time he was her hero. Even if he didn’t see how.

And so Adrien went again, and again, and again, and he remembered her smile and her touch and her words. He let them keep all those emotions at bay, the ones he dared not tap into. He didn’t let her hold him again either, not in the next loop or the next loop or the next loop after that because he knew if he did there was no going back. 

So he kept the memory. Close and near. 

And that had to be enough.


	2. There's No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's time as Aspik has come to an end, but even safe at home, he can't shake the memories trying so hard to overwhelm him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thank you so much for sticking around for the second chapter! I hope it lives up to the expectation and keeps hitting you all in the feels! I've noticed a reoccurring crime within the show and that's how little time we get with Plagg and Adrien's friendship. Apart from the wonderfull stuff recently released in Feast, I think we've been robbed blind.
> 
> So enjoy some Plagg, guys!

Adrien Agreste wasn’t having a great day. It started fine, ended fine, but the middle… the middle went on and on.

“Uh, kid?”

Quite literally.

He wanted to reply to Plagg, he really did. He wanted to tell his Kwami that he was okay, that the mini-god was right, that he should have listened to him instead of being selfish. For some reason, though, he didn’t. 

Couldn’t.

So he stared at his hands.

“Adrien, hello? Anyone in there?” Plagg floated down in front of his face and made a waving motion with his paw.

Adrien, in all his years of existence, had never wanted to be alone more. The irony was not lost on him. Him, who had been alone for months trying to save Ladybug (and every time he’d failed, what must she think of him- _should_ think of him) now wanted even _more_ alone time. Adrien Agreste, locked in his house for the better part of his entire life, wanted nothing more than to be left with nothing but himself and his bed. 

He had no idea what prompted this desire to be alone (maybe it was a punishment. Maybe he wasn’t used to company anymore after all those months), but it was an itch he couldn’t scratch. He couldn’t tell Plagg to leave him be because he couldn’t even speak. His mouth was sewn shut, it was clamped down, it was too heavy to lift. Chat Noir, famous for never shutting up, could not endure the agony of speaking even a single word.

And he was tired.

So bone-numbingly tired.

It was a weight that settled on his very soul, like something deep and dark within was dragging him into the unknown. His head was filled with whispers made of lead and promises made of stone. Thoughts filled up the space like quicksand, dragging him down. His eyes, however open, barely saw anything in front of him. His ears, even uncovered, could only just make out Plagg’s voice.

“…rien…can…ear…me...” 

He was tired.

He was so fucking tired, but he couldn’t even make a move to lay down.

“A…ien!”

His hands were shaking slightly, and the longer he stared at them, the more he saw green scales. The blue and teal and green mixed together so beautifully at first, but now all it did was make his breath hitch. He could see the bracelet (that goddamn bracelet) slowly wrap around his wrist and it’s blinking yellow start to time out. 

How many times had he slammed it back? How many times had he seen golden dust disappear into the sunlight before having to drag his hand over his wrist again?

Twenty five thousand nine hundred and thirteen times.

And the only one that didn’t end in his hands grasping at thin air was the one he gave up.

“ADRIEN!”

His head snapped up to meet Plagg’s green-eyed gaze.

Adrien only then noticed the aching in his chest and took a moment to try and steady his breathing.

“Keep looking at me, okay kid?” Plagg was speaking softer than he ever had before. 

Adrien nodded.

“Where are you right now?” Plagg asked, as if he didn’t have his own two cat eyes to see with.

Adrien swallowed the thick saliva in his mouth and found that even then it was still dry. 

He felt something, something deep and sore in his chest. He couldn’t tell what it was, but it was growing, welling up and pressing against his insides so hard he thought he would burst.

“You still with me?” Plagg clapped his hands in front of his face to unglaze his eyes.

Adrien nodded.

“Can you tell me where you are?”

He was on the one loop (oh god he hoped it would stay the last loop) that worked out.

“My room,” he said, and his voice was wavering unpleasantly.

“Gold star,” Plagg encouraged. “Where in your room?”

“Sitting…” Adrien started, but talking was hard, it was so so hard. “The bed.”

“You got it,” Plagg said. “What’re you wearing?”

He idly looked down at himself to take note before Plagg caught his attention back to him, possibly in fear he’d drift off again. 

“Shirt,” he started, “pants, ring, brace-“

No, the phantom snake wasn’t there, it wasn’t still slithering around his wrist, lying in wait for the moment he’d have to go back again.

“C’mon kitten, what’s next?”

“Socks,” Adrien corrected himself, words starting to come easier.

“There we go!” Plagg sounded satisfied with him and gave him a tiny smile. “Not as thick I thought.”

Adrien let out a small breath of amusement.

“Now the most important question,” Plagg announced.

Adrien found his slipping attention captured once again. This time it didn’t leave him almost dizzy, but only slightly startled.

“Where’s the cheese cabinet again, I forgot.”

Adrien laughed.

It was a heavy sound, even if laughter usually felt so light. Each bark was like something trying to escape out of him, as if his mouth were the iron bars of a jail cell and his laughter was the inmates, scrambling over themselves to break out. There was something deeper in him that pushed everything aside. Something big and dark and strong. Something heavy and so commanding with it’s presence that Adrien almost _felt_ it banging against his jaw. Demanding to be let loose.

His laugh turned into a small sob as he slapped a hand over his mouth. 

As if his hand could simply keep everything at bay. As if anything could stop the emotion pouring out of him so fast it started to hurt. 

His eyes finally clamped shut against a wave of tears- no not a wave, he knew what a wave of tears was. He had too many of those in his loops (oh he hated those, because the way Ladybug held him made his everything yearn for someone else to hold him the way she did) and this was different. This was something held back and back and back because he never had the time to let it out before.

Now he had the time, and his wave had stirred into a tsunami.

He refused to let out a sound, because he knew if he did it would be an awful one. He would probably sound like a wounded animal. He didn’t want to hear that as much as he was sure Plagg didn’t.

Just as he thought of the cat, he felt something soft and impossibly warm press against the side of his face. Just the single touch and tiny purr had his cries interrupted with hiccups that he hoped would sound at least a little appreciative somehow. 

Twenty five thousand nine hundred and thirteen times he’d relived the same thing and now that he didn’t have to, this was what he did?

No matter how pathetic it was, Adrien couldn’t even think of doing anything else.

“I-I-_Plagg_,” he cried and hoped his friend knew, somehow, what he was trying to say, because not even Adrien knew it himself.

“I know kitten,” Plagg stayed nestled into the crook of his neck and stayed there, a constant presence as his open, empty, horribly cold room threatened to swallow him whole.

He really didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to be with someone- anyone- _anything-_ so much that he thought it would feel better to be with no one at all.

As if he could read minds, Plagg kept against him, even as the tears dried on Adrien’s cheeks and he could finally breathe again without the ache in his chest throwing a wrench in his system. The Kwami only moved to guide his holder down to his bed and under the sheets.

Dimly, Adrien realised he’d taken to holding the pillow as if it were a person, but that didn’t seem to matter. What mattered was the fact that he was there. In his room. With Plagg purring beside him. 

Far far away from the green-lit sewers, the golden dust, and Desperada’s taunting laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to see your thoughts in the comments, I absolutely adore reading them all! Did you like a certain line? Find a typo? Think I could have characterised someone better? I want to hear from you, I promise I'm not that scary!


	3. Keeping Watch In the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a surprising lack of Akuma attacks within the past week, Adrien is finally able to meet up with Ladybug on patrol. Even when he thinks he's finally over Desperada, there are some things he just can't seem to shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, are you ready for the last chapter? I'm sure not! It's been an absolute blast writing this all and seeing your reactions to it! Thank you for sticking around until the end, and I hope it's been worth it!

Adrien had come to like nighttime a lot since becoming Chat Noir. 

It offered him an escape. The patrols he did for an hour each night (that really did nothing but let him run through the streets and just _exist_) were almost his favourite time of the day. He always met up with his Lady, chatted, and then separated so the two of them could watch over the city like guardian angels.

Night was also safe. It was a little cold, a little lonely, and a little dark, but it was safe. Safe from responsibility, safe from work, and safe from troubles. At least it was when he was running. Gliding over the rooftops like a real cat in the night.

Tonight, however, he was a little apprehensive.

It had been a while since he and Ladybug had been able to meet up for patrol. With school and Adrien’s modelling, it had been hard for them to find a time they were both free. It had also, coincidentally, been the first time they’d seen each other since Desperada attacked. There hadn’t been any other Akumas either. It seemed Hawkmoth was taking some sort of break, which was nice as between that and his father going to London for the week, Adrien had time to work through… whatever was going on with him.

He was just worried that whatever it was would make an appearance when he met up with Ladybug.

He wasn’t completely concerned about it. It wasn’t like it was a big deal. Aside from a few nightmares, mind-wanderings and small cycles of thumbing his wrist for no reason, he was okay. (Aside from the times he was stuck, eyes closed, trying so hard not to remember everything that went wrong, trying not to tear at his empty wrist to get off a bracelet he knew wasn’t there). 

He was just concerned he might say something to give away his identity.

His Lady could never know about his time as Aspik, however much it seemed to plague him. 

He would get over it though, just like he got over everything else. He was a superhero, and as Chat Noir he felt invincible, and had to act invincible too. For Paris, and for Ladybug.

Plus, going out as Chat always felt relaxing after some stress, so maybe it would help.

“Something on your mind, kitty?”

Chat immediately smiled and swivelled around to face Ladybug. With the moon in the background and the Parisian street lights around her, she looked positively radiant. And she was smiling. Oh how he loved it when she smiled. It meant something was going right or she was at least happy to see him. He couldn’t help but match it with his own.

“Nothing really, m’lady,” Chat leant against the rail on the rooftop. “How was your day?”

Now that Ladybug was with him, Chat thought he would feel more at ease. For some reason though, he couldn’t help but feel alarm start to settle on his skin. He had the overwhelming urge to just step closer to her, to get off the roof, to be somewhere that wasn’t so open. It was irrational, so Chat pushed it aside, but he couldn’t help but feel something cold and awful (and he knew it was all in his head, damn it) begin to press against his neck.

“Alright,” she said, making her way to stand next to him at the rail (thank goodness too, this way he could shield her if anything came along). “I’m feeling a little restless though.”

“Restless how?”

“I guess I’m just used to battling Akumas every couple days, and since it’s been quiet lately… I’ve got a lot of energy to burn.”

“Makes sense, I feel a little restless too.”

For different reasons probably. Chat didn’t exactly know.

“Well, I have a way we can have some fun, and use up a little bit of that energy, Chaton,” Ladybug smiled devilishly and pushed herself off the rail.

Chat instantly felt himself tense up. Ladybug was exposing her back entirely to the free night air- what was she _thinking?!_ Anything could come at her, anything could hit her square in her blind-spot, Desperada could-

Ladybug grinned, “Catch me if you can, kitty.”

And she was off.

“Ladybug, _wait!_” Chat called desperately, sprinting off after her.

He could feel his heart leap into his chest, a mirror image to the way he lept over buildings. He felt like there was a timer, ticking away behind him. Counting down the seconds he had to reach Ladybug before something horrible happened. He didn’t know, exactly, what this terrible unspeakable things was, but he did know that his body was telling him to run… 

So he _ran_.

And he ran and he ran _and he ran_. 

Like he could out-run the tears and the memories and the horror he felt building inside him again. Like he could outrun the want- no the _need_\- to be right beside Ladybug again. To keep her safe. To know she was there. To be sure (even if it never worked before - never never_ never_\- but it felt better to have her dissolve in his arms than a hair’s breadth away from his fingertips) that if he was next to her he could save her when the time came. Maybe even throw himself in front of whatever wanted to hurt her.

She was so close and so far, like she had been so many times before.

Twelve, she was standing a meter away.

Twenty seven, she was swinging just above his head.

One hundred and three, she was reaching for a high-hive.

Three thousand and fourteen, she was running away from him.

Eleven thousand one hundred and five, she was running towards him.

Twenty thousand two hundred and seventy six, she was a breath away from an embrace.

Every single time he’d been so so close.

It was never close enough.

“_PLEASE!_”

He hadn’t cried out to her that way since he thought it was over, all over- _please be over._

Suddenly Chat was caught on something and pitched forwards. Luckily there were arms there to keep him from going face-first into the cement rooftop. 

He knew those arms, which kept the mounting fear from building even more. They were small and delicate, but strong enough to carry the weight of the world. 

She was there, Ladybug was there, and he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her as if he was scared she’d blow away in the wind.

He _was_ scared she’d blow away in the wind.

Because if Desperada was there, if she was anywhere nearby, she’d be lining up her shot.

“Chat it’s okay,” Ladybug cried, confused and worried, “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

She had said that before.

It was never true.

Chat had to get that stupid bracelet off- he needed to get rid of it- he needed it off _NOW_. Yet no matter how much he tore at the leather on his hand, it didn’t budge, it didn’t move-

_It was still there._

“Chat, there’s nothing there!” Ladybug shouted and closed a hand over his to stop the furious swiping, “You’re gonna hurt something if you keep scratching at it. There’s nothing there.”

She was right, he noticed, as he dared to actually take in what he was seeing.

“I’m here, okay? Nothing can get us,” Ladybug kept saying, voice turning soft and low as she pulled him closer. “You’re safe. There’s no Akumas, there’s no-one else.”

Chat’s hitching breath started to even out, because he trusted her. He trusted that she was right. If she said no one was there, no one was there.

He hoped.

“I’m alright, see?” Ladybug put a piece of his hair in her finger and twirled it so even if Chat wasn’t facing her, he could feel it. “I’m really here, and I’m not going to leave.”

Chat nodded into her shoulder.

“Did you want to sit down?” she offered, noting that his shaking legs probably couldn’t hold him much longer.

Chat nodded again.

Ladybug lowered them slowly to the ground so that they stayed close even as they moved.

So Chat stayed there. Comfortably held in a way he’d only been held once before. Although this time, he had as long as he wanted. He didn’t need to fear the snake tik-tokking on his wrist or the inevitable loss of his Lady again. This time he could afford to melt into her and stay that way. This time he didn’t need to fear the time when the embrace ended.

And he was going to commit every single moment of it to memory. He was going to let this instance, this snapshot, replace all his time of Aspik. He would let the golden dust fade to silver moonlight, the empty air dissolve into the warmth beside him, and the abject horror make way for comfort. For a single moment of peace.

And for the first time since he resigned as the holder of the snake miraculous, Adrien felt content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! This is the end! Or at least the end unless I decide to add a bonus chapter (which I have a habit of doing on my shorter fics). I'd love to hear your thoughts on this final chapter, please don't be shy! Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed, I'd be over the moon to hear your thoughts in the comments section, or simply have your kudos! You like a specific line? Found a typo? Think I could have represented something better? Tell me about it! I promise I don't bite!


End file.
